||EVIL SCARECROW INTERVIEW ON THEIR BLOODSTOCK WARM-UP TOUR
Luke 'Loki' Milne
Following the success of their performance on the Sophie Lancaster stage at last year's Bloodstock Open Air festival, Nottingham Parody Black Metal band Evil Scarecrow are set to return yet again to Derby, this time opening the main stage of this year's B.O.A in front of Lacuna Coil, Children Of Bodom, Emperor and many more.
I caught up with members of the band backstage at Bournemouth's Sound Circus, as the band performed the penultimate show of their Bloodstock Warm-Up tour...
Can you give us some highlights of the past two weeks you've been on tour?
Dr Hell: "Uh... highlights... we went and had a beach party two nights ago in Eastmouth... Princess Luxury burnt her boobs on a fire, yeah."
Brother Pain: "Which was probably illegal! [laughs]"
Dr Hell: "It probably was illegal, yeah... especially when they started throwing polystyrene on there. The best bit was when they threw some MDF on there, and Princess said "What is that on there, is that..." ...go on, you finish the story.
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Brother Pain: [high-pitched] "Is that MDMF?"
Dr Hell: "MDMF. That amazing drug! Ooooh, hang on, there's someone at the door!"
[Jen, the band's manager, Kraven Morrdeth and Princess Luxury walk in and join the interview as Dr Hell cheers loudly]
Dr Hell: "Sorry, this is quite a rowdy interview! Sorry about that."
You played a new song tonight, 'Space Dementia'. It's quite different to your other tracks, can you explain what inspired it?
Brother Pain: "Well, I came up with the main chord progression..."
Dr Hell: "I always wanted to write a song called 'Space Dementia', and I got really drunk one time and I played Drink Along Armageddon. You watch the movie 'Armageddon', and every time you see an American flag you have to have a drink. Every time you remember Liv Tyler's hot you have to have a drink, and every time Aerosmith plays... you have to have a drink.
"So I got really drunk, and when... there's a bit where someone says "Oh my god, he's got Space Dementia", and I thought that'd be a really good thing to write about. And then I found out Muse had already done it. Fucking Muse! But I asked Brother Pain to write something good and he did, so that's how it came about!"
So last time we spoke was back in February, and we discussed Kraven's misunderstanding with identifying the gauge of his bass strings, as well as some tomfoolery with a smoking horse at the Rescue Rooms. Have you got any more "tales of technical tyranny" from this tour?
Dr Hell: "Everything broke didn't it, last week? No, no... At the start of the tour, we got brand new equipment. We paid all this money for all this stuff, and within the space of two days, you [Brother Pain] broke a guitar string, we broke the costume van..."
Brother Pain: "You broke the headstock on your guitar..."
Dr Hell: "Yeah, I snapped the fucking head on my fucking £1000 Dean guitar! My brand-new, eight-days-old Marshall head, I broke the input on... and the merch stand, we broke that too! Some bastard at Rock and Bike Festival, some FAT BASTARD sat on the merch table and buggered that right up! So the short answer is... 'Yes'."
Princess Luxury, how does it feel being the only female member of the band, do you get a lot of stick from the guys?
Princess Luxury: "It feels lonely and I hate it! They laugh at my height, my arse, my accent, my personality, the things I say, things I do, the way I look... most things really."
We're also sat here with the newest member of the Scarecrew, The Marauder Snagglefoot, who plays accordion on just one single song. Can you tell us a bit more about how you got hold of him and uh.... imprisoned him?!
Dr Hell: "Well... me and Brother Pain are part of a very elite, secret group of uh... arse... rape... bummers?"
Brother Pain: "Are we?!"
Dr Hell: "Yeah, you know how we go out and arse rape..."
Brother Pain: "DO WE?!"
Dr Hell: "Yeah! And we were there, drunk and innocently arse raping this ginger lad... and he's got all these weird accordion noises coming from his front end, and we kinda just... oh alright, shall we tell the proper story? [laughs]
"What actually happened was; while recording the new album we always had an idea for this one track, we always wanted some accordion in there. We had this whole idea of a giant cyclops dancing with a gypsy by a campfire, and there was an accordion player there... and he was ginger, and loved it up the arse..."
Marauder Snagglefoot: "And I just happened to be wandering around with a cock up my arse!"
Dr Hell: "When we were recording it, I said to our producer about it, and he said 'I know an accordion player, he'll probably do it for free. Or a tin of cat food' [laughs]
"So Russ got in touch with Marauder and said 'you're a twat, do you fancy joining some other twats on this track?', and he sort of said yes... then he ignored it for a while. We poked him again and he said 'well, I was supposed to be playing with my cats tonight, but maybe I'll put something together'."
Marauder: "They're proper young kittens, they come first. But I thought 'I'll throw something together and then send it to them... and they'll probably say no'. And here I am!"
Here's a question from one of your fans, it's for Brother Pain... "Will you marry me?"
[The band laughs]
Marauder: "Is he fit? Is he good looking?"
Brother Pain: "What's his name?"
'His' name is Lora...
Brother Pain: "Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to say yes! [laughs]"
Jen (ES Manager): "Doesn't that now fulfil both number one and two of your wishlist from your school book?"
Brother Pain: "YES! I was tidying my house the other day, going through some shit and I found an old book from when I was a teenager. It had a list of 'Shit I Need To Do' in order to make my life better. One was to get married, have kids, get a good job, make lots of money and have a nice car. Number two was 'become a rockstar'! [laughs]"
What's the most challenging aspect of what you guys do as Evil Scarecrow?
Dr Hell: "I'd say all of it. All of it."
Brother Pain: "Playing the guitar!"
Dr Hell: "I think it's equipment. Fucking equipment, it's so shit. It's shit!"
Brother Pain: "Expensive."
Not the Dean guitars though, right? They're not shit...
Dr Hell: "Well, we've got Dean guitars, but ours are broken!"
Marauder: "Dean guitars and Marshall amps."
Dr Hell: "They're great, but I still break them. I need an endorsement where it's something made out of Wolverine's claws! If Wolverine could melt down his claws and make me an amp, then maybe..."
Marauder: "Or something that's free and...kind of abundant!"
Brother Pain: "Travelling as well."
And what's the most rewarding aspect, in one word?
Dr Hell: "Pussy. All the massive, abundant clunge."
Brother Pain: "I got married as well."
What warm-up rituals will you be performing before you go onstage at Bloodstock this year?
Dr Hell: "BUMMING!"
Brother Pain: "Sorry, no. I'm not into bumming."
Dr Hell: "What are you on about? You love bumming!"
Maurauder: "I think he much prefers one in the face."
Dr Hell: "Yeah, but what about that one time, when..."
Brother Pain: "That was an accident."
Have you got any announcements for your fans?
Dr Hell: "We have a date for our album now, October 13th."
Brother Pain: "2014... not 2027."
Dr Hell: "It's all done, it's ready. It's amazing. It's gonna be the best album ever."
Jen: "...By Evil Scarecrow. [laughs]"
Dr Hell: "Oh, there is quite an important one. For the album we're going to set up a pledge campaign. So anybody that wants to come and see us at Bloodstock; we're gonna be playing four tracks from the new album.
If they sign up to the pledge, they will get exclusive access to the four tracks we'll be playing at Bloodstock. We wanted to get the album released before Bloodstock but couldn't, so this is our way of letting people get their... cock and balls into it. [laughs] Oh come on, I did alright until then!"
Loki would like to thank Evil Scarecrow for their time and to wish them the best of luck at this year's Bloodstock Open Air festival!